~The Beauty of Darkness~

"Look its vibrant "!

My team member said to me pointing to the dumping site....clearly in an american accent..
I with two of my team members was standing on the roof top of our office building facing a dumping site.


First i thought , the guy ,just returned from an onsite trip is trying to impress....
....
....
But he was true...it is...vibrant...So colorful..Unlike humans its ready to absorb anything,its not afraid of the change..
Inspite of the hatred,neglect,ignore its still in the same state...calm and composed..
I saw ragpickers doing there job..taking the best from it..Can You imagine giving your best thing to someone..I bet U can't..
Still it never complains Like humans..
It is so generous..i see stray animals eat it..tear it...Still it never complains..
Its so open to the world, ready for everything, prepared for the worst without losing its identity... its meaning..
We forget its dirty thats why we are "so called" clean.

I feel its better than people who have lost their laugh ,in a try to make others cry,
I feel its better than people who have forgot to feel ,in a try to think,
I feel its better than people who has forgot to live, in a try to make living,
I feel its better than people who haven't accepted the change,in a wait for the world to change ..........

~Signature of Death~

I ate 5 scary movies this saturday.Completly shut from the outside "scarier world".No calls,No newspapers,locked room..

Time 3 a.m. Satur/sun nite..
Planning to sleep.. with the same promise i have been doing for last two decades to myself. " I will definetly brush my teeth tomorrow nite,nt now ".

Put on my Red boxers,ZZZZZZZZ.zzzzzz......

Dreams Start..
as usual lindsay,duff.. Some desi girls... and then was driving a Ford Mustang v6..
Than i dreamt i had an accident on boulevard street and i .... Died..

I died..

i was floating,felt light ..No worries of credit cards,A.T.M who shed shitty smile on me when things gets worse as 2 digits.
It seemed like a Honeymoon package to Hawaii..
I was feeling great.. than i saw from Heaven (??) ..how people around me reacted to my death..

At my cubicle..

Vidhi:God must be having bad time..
Taq: The 'How,What,When' guy ..Why do they recruit such people?
Sand:"theek Tha",V-x Works session is at 3 p.m.
Vid:The Guy smelled like a Cow-Boy..Atleast i saved bucks on deo's.

My classmates house,Gurgaon.

Ivneet:Yaar,Vinay was nice but sometimes Eeeeeh... Look i bought new suit for Mundan party..Howz it?

Shruti:Ya,He .. was...nice.. I mean the suit..its nice..Whats in the dinner?
Shilpa: Shit!Who'll bring my bag from my home now..God has been tough on me..

Other Sweet Souls......

Dahuja: Said nthing..He was busy breaking the news on phone and they say Reuters is the quickest.

Liz: "Saala natak kar raha hai"

Saurabh:(emotional)......then it goes for Vodka.....These guys won't let me quit it.

Bhatti: "Yaar,Single hi mar gaya"....

Gogi : "aah!! Paise bach gaye"

Manu:"Nautanki Saala..Abhi Aaajayega"

Anupam:"Lunch?"

Ridhi:"He was sick"!!!
-------------------------------------Pause-----------------------------------------

Honeymoon was over...Though i wasn't upset with their reaction but i remembered, i still hv to visit Egypt,learn Hebrew,sit in a F-16,drive a porsche cayman,meet bryan adams,taste 1000 yr old wine.

The pain of not achieving all this shadowed the lightness of death.i wanted to live again!
I was missing the ATM's smile,my scary credit card...
Pictures of my childhood,my school,teacher with whom i fell in love with,summer holidays,spending nites waiting for Santa,my school bus,people i loved,nites i spent crying,my interviews,moments when i felt like God ...flooded my mind..

I wanted it again..

Sometimes we are too busy analysing bad stains in our life we forget to see the beauty of the other part..

---Hey Smuggler ..Get Up!!...

Ah! a friend wakes me up from the dream..

Me:Its Sunday..moron!!!

Ani:U Don't value others time ..u self spoiled brat..We both were supposed to go to rotary house today..

He was not even waiting for me to die..was abusing me while i was on!

Neways what they are,whether they love me or not,they are now part of me..and i love me..


I watched 4 romantic movies today...And who says dreaming is bad...M waiting...:)

"Bhaiya..... Bas Ho Gaya"...

Sushma,my maid....comes twice a week but get paid for 40 days a month..I pay her for dramatic capabilities rather than what she's meant to do.

Sunday , feb the 4th ,2007

Me: Sushmaji,Where the hell were you?
Sush: "Bhaiya, %$@%*&&$^@$!$%&!@^%!&*^%!^@%**&%!@% gir gaya"...

The reply was stronger than 6 shots of vodka..Even God Didnt know what she said..
This remind me of my campus interview when i answered the same when interviewer asked "Describe yourself"...
Well rehearsed answer ,full of traps..
Both knew I was lying ,still accept it..what a foolish society..

Neways coming back to sushma's world, I cuddled my quilt , unmute the T.V.and begain staring with the blank face..

~5 minutes later~

"Bhaiya isse burra asar padta hai"

Expert comments from my bai who was enjoying the Rio Carnival on F.T.v more than me..

Damn...My "I gonna kill you" look was enough for her to look for a 'jhaddu'..

~15 minutes later~

"Bhaiya Vo"......

Oh!! ..these words give me feeling as though some one is dissecting me without anesthesia..
I knew sushma ji was expecting a "short and sweet loan"..

Me: Haan..

Sush: Rajaai jal gayi, 7 log ek me sote hain....

Me: Kitne bachhe hai aapke?

Sush:PANCH(remember the coke add)..

Me: Yaar itne kyun karte ho!!!!(considering another one must be in pipeline..)

Sush:"Bhaiya bas ho gaya...."

Damn! How can it be just "Ho gaya"?

This lets me think of so many "ho gaya's" in our life.. We take the path that the society has designed for us..

Go to School..to College..Job..marriage..Kids..Retire..Die..
Society continues to create baseless customs that reflects no sense et all still we follow them and become "Living dead"..
We never take a risk to follow our dreams..
Why don't we question ourselves ..why we behave this way only? Why this?

Two roads diverged in a wood, and
i took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference. -- ~ Robert Frost ~

You got to overcome the fear , the self doubt to follow ur dreams.....
Peoples views are and will never be more important than your dreams..

It doesn't matter what people say because they are going to say something anyway...

Coming back to Sushma,
i thought of telling her Birth preventive measures..But these tips and Rio carnival was enough for the tight slap..So i dropped the idea....And sanctioned the loan..
Not because i felt sad for her but i love the "chugli sessions" we have on sundays
That keeps me updated on my beautiful (36-24-36) surroundings..nd why not "Knowledge is the power"..:)

That's for sure i won't use "Bas ho gaya" any more ..
As..
I wanna die while i am living....!!!!