He Man - Master of the Universe

"You Vella Fella,why don't you rub this energy in sentence correction".

Ma again caught me reading those matrimonials this Sunday.

"Arre Yar, You ought to know whats on in the market; this will help me decide my masters major".

They say IIM/IIT/CA, age less than 30.Tall nd Handsome. etc etc

Yarr had hai; Saala Aadmi chhaiye ki Ghoda.As if REC waale to Khachar hote hai.
I dissolved into deep wondering how the Writers,journalists and painters manage to marry.Theek hai bhai Pechle janmon ke Paap hain ye sab.

The muse was purged by a big blow on my face.I opened my deep buddha like eyes to see fuming mother.This face seemed familiar; Actually by hearing IIT mumma was reminded of millions dinaars i had spent on FITJEE and crores of rubbles i got from her during 11th nd 12th class by luring of an IIT admission.

Sharma aunite has told ma that IITians bring gold bricks daily from office.
Anyways that dream ended with IIT results.There were lots of Gargs and lots of Vinays in the list.But Vinay Garg never glued in the list together.

"May be there is some printing error in the list, i guess" - i said while mounting the distance between me and my cheated Mother.

Her eyes were glued to scenes of hugs between parents and their "superkids".

Then she hugged me "Bachhe you fought well,Never Mind".I didn't have the courage to say yes.I knew,I was never in the fight.She knew it too.

I "somehow"(When i say somehow,i don't say it loosely) managed to get into an Engineering college.

Sharma Auntie again fed my ma's ears with IIM.But still she never buldozed me much for it.But still i knew she deeply wanted me to do something.Something that will take me out of the crowd.
GRE or CAT? kept me puzzled all the years,So she prayed that i meet the expectations of the Software job with this confused mind.


Coming back to this Sunday.

"I bet you if you read this stuff again i devoid you from all my credit cards you need for that GRE GMAT fuss." -Ma

" " - Me (it means nothing was said; just stupid faces i make)

Now this is the time these neighbours come to the scene.

That Sharma Auntie - " My sister-in-law's neice,and they have huge cellar business.Only daughter you know.Big business;2 cellar to naam kar denge."

Hell,They should also give condoms in dowry for their cellar.I thought a man is supposed to marry a girl.Ladki is no where in the description here.

"He is just a kid.Let him settle down in life." -Ma

"Ma i earn 30k a month.Can buy any beer in this world.Can hear costiliest headfones.I think main apne paron par khada ho gaya hoon."

"Yes its true you earn 30k.You spend 35k too and you still use my credit card"- Ma.

Every discussion ended with this statement.Sharma auntie disappeared too.I think she cared for her xyz's neice.yes, you are right xyz is sister in law here.

.......
Then while we were having the lunch.

"What kinda girl you want?" - Ma

"Lindsay Lohan"

"You look like mithun" -Ma

"Bas Chik Chik Pik Pik na kare yar.Kidhar ho?kahan ho? na kare completelty no.;
Am not answerable to anyone but me" -- i said it in Solid awaaz.

"Leave the girl; First mend your room.It Stinks.I think society people will file a litigation in high court for the trauma they go through when you are here on weekends".

"Screw the world.Junta ki Ma ki Ankh."

She was silent.

{All the people who have seen the scenes of my mother "Sir-khappaing" with me can easily make out the real meaning of her silence here.And only these people can really understand the drama and the careless attitude i always show around; baki foreign junta.i am sorry i can't dramatise it more}
-----
After Good nights and Sweet Dreams,I thought if marriage is not near,its not that too far.Some years down the line Sharma aunite will be in full blow and would glue her abc's daughter and their 1 kanal plot with me.

Eeh! the very thought scares shit out of me.yes it does.

Reason i don't know.May be i am not ready.But ready for what? May be. MAy be.Don't know.
Leave it.
Here it is.Leave it.

I have been leaving it for all my life.Escaping from responsibility.Escaping from being a man.

Being a boy is like being a Moon.Living a rented life.You glow because someone burns out.You can be loved but can't be admired.Yes,Admired.Like The Sun is.Who knows to create,to Sacrifice,to bear.Who is accountable to the lives it touches.Accountable to the world of hopes.Accountable to the universe.
Masturbating doesn't make a boy The man.Reposibility does.

I don't know how far my room and the brain will remain drainy or
how far i will be living my life loosely.
But i know the journey of a boy towards the man will start when i am accountable for what i am.

I know Ma I have not kept dozens of promises made to you.I know i havent made it to IITs or IIMs.And I am still a crowd.But i promise you a moment in your life when you will hug me for what i am and not for who i am.Then you don't have to look at parents huging their "superkids".And then you can smash that Sharma Auntie to smithereens.

AAmeen!
..

And coming back to my matrimonial adds.

My Addv. will look like :

Sex : Strictly Female by birth.
The Girl is what she wanted to become.
No Chik Chik No Pik Pik.
No Kidhar Ho , No Kahan ho.


And yes, I will be answerable to her. -Man's promise it is.